There were times when my son’s behavior would hit me so fast that I reacted before I understood what was happening. The noise. The frustration. The moment when something small became something bigger. I used to think my job was to make it stop as quickly as possible. But over time, I had to learn a harder truth: sometimes the behavior was the only way he knew how to say, “I’m overwhelmed,” “I don’t understand,” “I’m scared,” or “I need you to slow down.” That does not mean every difficult moment is easy. It does not mean you have to accept unsafe behavior or pretend you are not tired. It means we try to look beyond the moment before we decide who our child is in that moment. Our children are not trying to give us a hard time. Many times, they are having a hard time. I had to unlearn yelling. I had to learn that being the adult did not mean being the loudest person in the room. It meant becoming the safest person in the room. That change did not happen overnight. I still had to regroup. I still had to ground myself. But I started asking different questions: What changed right before this started? What might he be trying to tell me? Does he need a demand lowered, a break, food, quiet, movement, or reassurance? How can I help him feel safe before I try to correct anything? Those questions do not solve every situation. They do something just as important: they keep us connected to our child while we work through it. That connection matters. Your child needs to know that even when the day gets hard, you are still trying to learn them—not fix them, not shame them, not give up on them. This week, try one small pause before you react. Take one breath and ask yourself: What is my child trying to say right now? You may not have the answer immediately. That is okay. The effort to understand is part of the advocacy. I am still learning too. Be the advocate, not the adversary. — Chris A note from Chris I share what I have lived as a father and advocate—not medical or clinical advice. If you are worried about your child’s health, development, or safety, reach out to a qualified professional who can help. Optional Beehiiv footer / call to action If this issue spoke to you, forward it to a parent or caregiver who needs to hear that they are not alone. More support and practical resources are available at Advocate Not Adversary.